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How to improve on my job resume?

I applied for this position because I am truly enthusiastic about business and legal matters. I am a young ambient girl who wants to become a lawyer in the future, therefore, I want to to experience this oppertunity because it will become my stepping stone. I hace a positive attitude and eager to take on new eperiences and take everything out of it. Not only am I persistent, determined, motivated, and goal-oriented, I also have leadership skills and excel at interacting well with others. I am a team player and work well co-operating with others. Lastly, I am attentive and understand the importance of listening. I am also self-directed and able to take initative. By taking the business course offered in my high school, I am proficient at all Word programs and File Maker Pro.

This is so vague. A lawyer would hate to look at this. I’m a paralegal. Lawyers are fact driven people. Be specific. Things like “goal-oriented” and “self-directed” mean nothing unless you can back them up. Say things like: I’m goal-oriented. Such as the time I met and surpassed my goal of collecting 100lbs of food for the local food bank. I’m self-directed, I learned french on my own because I felt it was necessary to learn a second language. As for being proficient in all word programs..which ones. Word Perfect is useless in a law office. Microsoft Word is good. Things like Abacus and Sanction are good also. File Maker isn’t bad. Be specific about which Pro you know. (i.e. the year) same with word. When you say all word programs what does that mean? Excel, Powerpoint..be specific. It all sounds good but you need to be more specific.